It is high noon. The sun (lowercase ‘s’ because it’s irrelevant) turns the corner around the hypothetical saloon of the hypothetical western town I am setting this showdown in. 100 paces east of the sun stands the literal symbol for bravery, a lion. Behind it stands 999,999,999,999 more of its fellow comrades. The sun remains, still and desolate. It has no sense of strategy, it is slow and immobile, and maybe worst of all, it has no arms. The 1 TRILLION lions, animals built for hunting, work as a team, a unit, to surround and overpower the stupid sun. This is simply one of the many hypothetical situations in which the sun would be easily defeated by both the majestic and ruthless trillion lions. An animal whose group is literally called a Pride. A name is given for a reason.

Let’s examine the lion itself. An adult lion’s claws reach lengths of up to 1.5 inches. Its fangs grow to be about 4 inches long! That’s 1.5 trillion inches of claws and 4 trillion inches of fangs. That’s 23674242.4 miles of claws and 63131313.1 miles of fangs sinking into the side of the sun. The average adult lion weighs about 500 lbs and reaches about 8.6 feet in length. According to Marsea Nelson of WorldWildLife.org, a lion can run up to 50 mph and leap 36 meters at a time. Imagine 1 trillion lions surrounding you, confusing you, running 50 freaking miles an hour! Think about the fact that a small baby has the ability to blow out a birthday candle. A lion’s roar can be heard from 5 miles away. This is proof of how powerful a lion’s diaphragm is. So 1 trillion lions would have the breath equivalent of several category 5 hurricanes. It is painfully clear just how hopeless that ball of gas would be in a battle against these beautiful beasts.

In order to fairly assess who would win, we have to examine the factors that take place in a fight. With these two competitors, it seems fair to consider four variables:

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Size: Now, the sun is roughly 1.989x10^30 kg in mass. The average adult lion weighs roughly 181 kg, and 1 trillion of them equals out to 1.6x10^14kg. So the sun clearly outweighs the massive pride of lions. However, is this necessarily a good thing? The sheer mass and volume of the sun renders it slow, bulky and easily outmaneuvered. So yes, maybe the sun’s size gives it an advantage in terms of stability, but it still does not come without the trade-off of a lack of speed.

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Reach: The sun can produce solar flares that reach tens of thousands of miles. HOWEVER, the sun is a sphere, not a very agile shape, AND it has absolutely no control over where on itself these flares will be released. Not only this but they are completely random and the sun has no bearing over WHEN they will happen. A lion has a reach of about 1 meter, but they have the ability to very leap swiftly forward 5-7 meters without a running start. So it seems quite clear that the Lions have the advantage when it comes to reaching, especially in a fight where the opposing force has no control over its distanced attacks.

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Experience: This is a fairly simple school of thought to process. The sun is roughly 4.6 billion years old. The average lion lives about a decade or so. So maybe, in theory, the sun has more experience total. But, the experience of what? Existing? Spinning in a circle? This is clearly no help in the world of combat. Lions, however, are born predators. They spend their lives, especially female lions, chasing, hunting, and killing other animals. Literally, every single lion ever has more experience fighting and defending itself than the sun. Lions learn throughout their lives how to stalk, sneak up on, and surprise attack their prey. The sun will have no concept of preparation and will not be ready for a surprise pounce. So obviously the sun is at a disadvantage here.

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Aggression: In terms of who is more assertive in a fight, this too is blatantly in favor of the lions. The sun knows no fear, but also knows no rage, and has no concept of strategy in a fight. Lions are fierce warriors, they are competitive, and they are willing to lay down their lives for their Pride members. Lions are not afraid to get in the fight. The sun’s lack of fear is even a disadvantage because it won’t know when the threat is coming, and will not prepare at all for the fight.

Lions seem to have the overall advantage in we’ll say 3.5/4 of these categories. The sun can have its overwhelming size, even if it does make it an easier, slower, target. After considering these factors, I know you agree with me in saying that there’s no way the sun could ever defeat a trillion lions. It is physically impossible, and you’d be all the wiser to accept this and embrace it. Have a great day, I know that you’ve been enlightened to the truth.